Phil Groom writes:
Looks as though the combination of Mousey’s Brewer Bestiary cartoon and my American Werewolves in Durham has proved truly inspirational — and, somewhat ironically, seems to take us right back to the beginning of this saga: back to Dave Walker’s Cartoon Church and a Song for SPCK. Sadly, because Dave still feels constrained by J Mark Brewer’s threats of legal action I can’t link to the original Dave Walker posts…
To the songs, however, in order of appearance, we start with my own paltry entry:
We’ll do it with cats,
we’ll do it with mice,
we’ll do it with bats,
we’ll never think twice —
whatever it takes
to expose all the lies,
the blusters and fakes,
the silly disguise —
it’s all coming out now,
all over the world,
there’s nowhere to hide now:
let truth be unfurled!
Then we have Mousey’s Magnificat:
A Round of Mew-sic
You are bad guys, playing at good guys,
Brewers, it’s time to think -
shop-working folks were harmed by your hoax.
Now, Brewers, you`re on the brink.
You need someone older and wiser, telling you what to do.
There’s St Francis, who could tame wolvsies. We wish he’d take care of you.
_______
Cats in choir dresses, with out of tune mewings.
Some legal eagle to suss out your doings.
Mice swung from ass-tails
watch Lord of the Rings.
These are a few of our precious-est things.Front-page of Church Times showed mice. Have you seen ‘em?
They could sort werewolves with zilch brains between ‘em.
May Bloggpuss clobber you; Purr-Titian sing!
And the cartoonists crown Dave Walker King . .
_____Goodbye, so-long, auf wiedersehn, goodnight
This Brewer-beast is not a pretty sight!
Tum-tiddle-tiddle, diddle dee,
Brewers you’re all at sea.
The sun has headed west – and so should you-oo
before you meet the silver-bullet crew-oo
They’ll fight…
all right!
Goodnight
But I always like to save the best till last, which bring’s us to Anne’s prize-winning entry. All together now:
I saw a lawyer with “Books in Print” in his hand, walking the streets of old Durham Town
He was looking for a place called “SPCK Books,” Gonna buy it and bring it down
Ah-ooh! Werewolves of Durham
Ah-ooh!If you hear him speechifying at your cathedral door, better not let him in.
Three or four people got desisted late last night.
Werewolves of Durham again
Ah-ooh! Werewolves of Durham.
Ah-ooh!He’s the sweetly talking gent who ran amok in Kent, and several other English locations
Better stay away from him, He might not pay you, Jim.
I wish he’d take a permanent vacation.
Ah-ooh! Werewolves of Durham.
Ah-ooh!I haven’t seen him walking with the Queen, she’s probably too smart for that.
I haven’t seen his brother walking with the Queen. She’d probably ask him what happened to the tax.
I haven’t seen him drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic’s
But his accounting is perfect.
Ah-ooh! Werewolves of Durham.
Ah-ooh!
Draw blood
All we need now, Anne, is a recording and a video, please 
Anyone else feeling creative?
3 responses so far ↓
David Keen // October 8, 2008 at 2:04 pm |
it’s not over till…….
Pauline Edwards // October 8, 2008 at 4:59 pm |
Heres my go at a song:
Now is the time,
For the Brewers to put things right,
Now is the time,
They should see the light,
Just look at your business skills,
Take a look at your empty tills.
God created love and honey,
The Brewers created keep the money,
The Brewers took on the chain,
Hear the money move about like rain.
Watch it tumble,
Then watch it crumble.
As you walk the streets of Birmingham,
Where the spck shop was,
Doors boarded up, a sad sight to see,
As it wasn’t to be.
We had visions of many things,
But, our jobs were just an illusion,
Filled with lies and confusion.
MOUSEY // October 9, 2008 at 3:20 pm |
WEREWOLVES OR WEAR WORMS?
One Durham Sunday morn, we were
book-selling by the Wear.
We catched 2 fishes on a heuk
we thowt leuked verra queer.
But wattna kind of fish these were
our poor shop cuddent tell;
for they weren`t fashed to pay for books
or treat employees well.
Whissht lads, haad yer gobs.
Aa`ll tell yers arll an arfle story.
Whissht lads, haad yer gobs.
An` Aa`ll tell yers `bout WEARWORMS
Noo, SSG (the lesser one)
did fight in foreign wars -
Brewers` bloodthirsty patron.
Thus they caused us wounds and scars.
Tis said he went to Palestine
where Saracens did dwell,
and he caused strange mutations
to the Brewer-worms as well.
These worms ate ev`ry disused church;
they growed an awful size
by scrunching up suppliers` stocks.
They had great big goggly eyes.
An when, at neets, they trawled the web
an hacked at bits of news,
they rubbed their hands, and stashed their cash
and milked the shops like coos.
These fearful worms then pled to all
that they faced bankruptcy.
They closed swallowed up so maqny shops
and moved stock frantically;
did magic tricks with pension-funds. . .
When they had played their fill,
they crawled away and lapped their tails
round some sad Texan hill.
So now ye Knaa how arl the folk
on Wear`s peninsula
lost lots of stock and lots of sleep
and lived in mortal fear.
So let`s sup one for Asingleblog
who thinks that we`ll win through
then drink a cup to brave Phil Groom
who blogs those blaggarts two.
(With apologies to the traditional Wearside anthem `The Lambton Worm`)